How I'm Learning to Find Balance When I'm Overwhelmed

I used to confidently say I was a multitasker. This past year, and particularly the past 6 months, have had me doubting this skill. January was a whirlwind. I got engaged on January 9th and found out my fiancé bought a house the very next day. It was exciting and wonderful and crazy all at the same time.

From January through March, we spent a few days at a time working on the new house. From painting to pulling up old rugs, the house kept us very busy. So busy I decided to take time off from my master's program because I was finding it difficult to balance my thesis with home renovations. That was my first clue that maybe multitasking is not my strong suit. Taking time off from school was a hard decision, but ultimately the right one. Building a new home was so thrilling, but also incredibly time consuming. I wanted to enjoy the process and not have to worry about writing papers after w full day or pulling nails out of the wood floors.

In March, I left my job and moved into the new house in a new city. We kept working on the house, updating little things here and there. Shopping for furniture and decor (my favorite thing!) and my thesis always hanging over my head. Knowing I should be working on it before my class starts up again but finding every excuse not to. I would watch random movies and shows on Netflix to avoid working on my thesis. Letting the stress of putting it off build up until finally I sat down one day and just started working on it little by little. Something, I should have been doing from the get go.

Fast forward to today. I am less than a week away from presenting my thesis. I was scrambling to turn in my completed thesis two weeks ago, cramming it with last minute details and trying to design a cohesive color theme for a professional looking project. I am so excited to be so close to the finish line, but also nervous to present my findings. Commence doubting every idea I've ever had... now! While I have been hard at work (avoiding or) finalizing my thesis, I have put many things off. I was blogging pretty regularly in June, but once it was time to crack down on my thesis that came to a screeching halt. I have been wanting to check out a local yoga studio, but I tell myself I can do that once I present my thesis and the program is over. I have been wanting to start a new book but use the same excuse. While I know it is important to focus on my thesis, I am using it as a crutch. I will do all these things, once this one big thing is out of the way. I haven't even applied to many jobs since moving into the new house because I wanted to wait until after my master's program is over. 

Basically, I have been putting my life on hold and justifying it with my thesis. At the same time, knowing I would need time to devote to my thesis and wanting to make it a priority. If I had started a new job, I think I would have been so worried about my thesis I would not have been able to perform well in a new environment. In some ways, knowing what I need to do (or not do) so I can do my best is great. In other ways, it's just a pile of excuses.

I also realize that it is so draining to endlessly focus on one thing. I would probably be way better off I just took the time to go to a one-hour yoga class. That would help immensely with my stress. Instead, I put it off and view it as one more thing to add to my already too long and stressful to-do list. The reality is a time out to breathe and focus on my mental and physical health would do me wonders.  when really a little time out is just what I really need. Time to check the yoga schedule.

Recognizing this problem has been step number one. Taking action is step number 2. By posting this blog and applying to a job today, I am taking baby steps. That is a whole other topic. Baby steps are steps too! Doing just one of those tasks today would have been a step in the right direction. I was able to do both, which is amazing, but if tomorrow I only tackle one task, that's okay too. 

Step 3, for me, is making a plan. I love to plan. I started bullet journaling this year, which has allowed me to be more creative. Now, I need to put my journal to use and start scheduling time each day for certain tasks and activities. Yes, I do need to finish up my presentation for my thesis. In my head, I need to spend the next 4 days working on it. The thought of that alone makes me anxious and I'm immediately thinking of other things I could do.  In reality, what I should do (and will do) is schedule 2-3 hours blocks to work on the PowerPoint each day until it is due. That would be much better time spent and breaks down a rather scary task into smaller, manageable parts. Then I could also schedule an hour to bake cookies, which is something I love to do. I could make time for a yoga class and create a schedule around the class. These tasks seem simple, but when I am bogged down in stress and worry over one big, looming activity, it's easy to let the stress take over. I think what I need to focus on more is balance. 

It's strange to be having this issue. I feel like a few years ago I was living in New York City, going to school full-time for my bachelor’s degree, working part-time at an incredible start up, and interning full-time at a fashion brand. Was I tired? Yes. Was I stressed? Yes. But I was doing it. What happened to that girl? Today, I am struggling to find balance and couldn't imagine doing all those things I was doing 4 years ago. I kind of miss that girl. I need to find out where she went and think about how I held it all together back then. In the meantime, I will focus on baby steps so I can rediscover the non-stop, go-getter I once was.